People tries, fails to understand domestic violence

This post uses male abuser/female victim pronouns for ease of writing, partly because that is the most common abuser/victim set-up but mainly because that is the set-up of this particular case. It goes without saying that domestic violence is not limited to female victims, or to straight relationships.

I often swear I'll stop reading People.com, but at the moment I can't bear to give up such a regular source of outrage. Today, they decided to grapple with domestic violence.

The sad saga of a young woman being brutalised by her partner continues to drag on. I had some reservations about posting this. The case is being discussed all over the place and the victim was identified without her consent. One could argue that the inexorable gaze of the public eye might shame the perpetrator and give the victim courage to leave him, but criticism of their abusers often leads domestic violence victims to empathise further with them. "Nobody understands our love", he tells her, and indeed, part of her does love him still, and can't bear to hear him called a monster.

This post is therefore not really about that one case, but rather how People, whose headlines yell out from supermarket checkouts across America, is dealing with it. It's been a mixed bag. In the same article, they both don't shy from the reality of the situation:

"Brown, 19, allegedly battered the "Umbrella" singer on Feb. 8... Brown was booked by LAPD for making criminal threats but the case has not yet been presented to the District Attorney, who will ultimately determine which charges, if any, will be prosecuted."

and suggest that the situation is part of the ups and downs of any celebrity relationship:

[all bolding mine]"The on-again couple are currently spending time together at one of Sean "Diddy" Combs's homes, on Miami Beach's Star Island".

While they collect disapproving quotes from the victim's family, they also have anonymous "friends" saying they are "working through their issues". People used this formulation in their headline, too. Note the plural there. They both have issues, you know. He wants to beat her and she... doesn't want that?

So their latest article is trying to tackle domestic violence head-on. Plus points: they call it what it is, domestic violence. They don't try to blame victims who return to abusers. They try to explain the psychology of abusive relationships. They talk about guilt, blame, and explain the 'honeymoon' period. So far, so good.

And then, oh People, just when I'm nodding along, you come out with this pile of unmitigated shite:

"But it's love, in all its complexities, that can often be the most powerful force for reconciliation for a battered woman. "They have insight into somebody in a way that none of us do," says Mills, who runs a program in Arizona that brings together couples with family members and a volunteer from the community to talk over what actually happened in a domestic-violence event. The process usually goes on for months.

"The ideal might be that we can separate people who are in a violent relationship, but the problem is that that's not the reality," Mills says. "I address the reality, which is that people go back, and they're looking for avenues for the possibility of working through this issue like any other rupture in a relationship, working through this issue to the point where the violence could stop."

Ugh. He hits her because he loves her. They have an amazing special bond. A vicious beating that puts someone in hospital is just like "any other rupture in a relationship". Pass me the sick bag.